G l i t c h y G o b l i n !

I’m back again, and this time with great vengeance.  Epic vengeance.  Glorious vengeance.  Finally, the day has arrived for the epic conclusion in the God of War series, God of War III.  If you haven’t played this series before, read the God of War Collection review and buy that game and then this one.  If you think it’s bad, shut up and continue playing anyway.  If you finish this spectacular conclusion and still don’t like it, go to an exposed corner of a brick wall and shove your face into it over and over.  I couldn’t care less what you think.  For those of us who deserve to live:  Play this game.  Now.  It doesn’t matter what else you’re playing; it can wait.

PROS:

Teh GRAFICKS. The best implementation of computerized video technology so far in the known video game world is in this game.  There are only 4 loading screens:  the one before the opening cinematic, the one you get if you die and have to restart at the last checkpoint (duh, the game wasn’t expecting you to FAIL AT BEING EPIC), one in a hallway toward the end, and one if you load your game.  But you won’t have that one because I expect you to play it through without stopping or blinking.

You kill things. Lots of things.  And if you have been following along in the story then when you kill these people it will be the most satisfying thing ever.

Switch weapons on the fly! L1 + X equals go to the next weapon and continue the brutality you are currently dishing out.

It clears up things that I had a problem with, mythology-wise.  They explain a lot of things that I was previously confused about.  You know that thing you said, “Well, that’s stupid and anticlimactic” about in the first game?  Explained.  The plot also refers back to many things Kratos did or plot points that were created back in the first two games.  It’s a smorgasbord of God of War trivia.

Like the first two in the series, it has lots of documentaries. The main making-of video shows a lot of the 2 and a half process of making the game.  Stan Lee makes an appearance!

CONS:

Some players might not like the ending. If you happen to be a fan of bad storytelling, or hate good things in general, then you will probably not like the ending.  Go find a cliff and throw your mother off of it.  Then, after you watch her death, jump over as well and try to hit her corpse for extra points.  The ending is poetic and makes sense in every sense of the word.

Challenge of Olympus seems easier. The extra mode that has been featured in every game (Challenge of ____) is in this one as well.  I beat 6 of the 7 challenges without too much retrying in about 30 minutes.  There is a Combat Arena, but it is unlocked after you beat all 7.  I don’t know what’s in that (maybe more, harder challenges, lol), but the game’s only been out for 5 days.

On one boss I died a lot. It’s a massive series of checkpoints.  At almost every point I died because I wasn’t quick enough or didn’t know what to do.  It’s ok, because when you go through that section on a second playthrough you’ll get every one of them and it’s amazing.

There’s no spear-a-majig. That awesome lance weapon from the second game.  I wish it was in this one.  Oh, well.

My main only real problem is: At one point I glitched this game so hard that I hard to start back like 2 hours previous in the game.  If Goblin had been watching he would’ve been proud of me.  Always keep more than one save of your game, in case you hit the same glitch I did.  If after a boss’s death cutscene you are at a previous (like 10 minutes ago) area’s portal and then after you go through that portal it takes you to a different area, don’t save.  After the boss’s death you were supposed to be dropped into a hallway.  I can’t find anyone online who has experienced the same glitch.  Without giving any spoilers, it would be the cutscene that triggers after you let go of L2 and R2 at the same time, about 5 or 6 hours in.

Well, the gist is that you should play this on a 1080i HDTV with really loud sound, in the dark and in one sitting.  Then cry out of either happiness or because you’re currently mutilating your face against a brick wall.  In the end, there will only be chaos…