G l i t c h y G o b l i n !

Well here we are again. We are watching terrible films and trying to find reasons to enjoy such movies. I have tried to watch current cinema spectaculars but it only wants me to put a bullet in my brain. So instead of doing that I will reflect on the bad— films that you have probably forgotten or may not have been born yet to enjoy so study your history.

“Twin Warriors” is the best precursor to “Crouching Tiger” or “Hero”. It features the bad— Jet li taking on the entire Chinese Imperial army. There is some history behind this film. “Hero” is close but “Twin Warriors” is epic. There is no way this film is accurate but it has the best fight scenes. If you enjoy wicked fight scenes than this is for you. Historically speaking this is not the best movie but it will make you blow your load with the over-the-top fights. This is a story when China unifies into one distinct culture and the bloodshed that follows. American douche bags this is like the Civil War.

If you saw Crouching Tiger or Hero, you can appreciate the glorious fights. It is what we came to see after all isn’t it. If you liked those films than “Twin Warriors” is for you. By the way Michelle Yeoh is also in this movie, so that should satisfy all the boys with a (love) for Asian chicks. “Twin Warriors” is the breaking ground for all that Matrix-style flying bull—-. If you would like to expand your mind from that CGI stuff than look up this movie you will hate me for it later. So watch it.

If anybody has seen “The Forbidden Kingdom”, it is also an epic film. The only thing I can/should say about this movie is that Bingbing li is smoking hot. I just wish the movie were about her and not the twats replaying “Wizard of Oz”. The White Witch is so awesome I literally did not pay any attention to the rest of the movie. I wish I could have but now I need to download (…wow. Just… insert offensive line here. o_o -GG).
Damn, I’m sick.

I was supposed to get to Thank You For Smoking but I ran out of time. I will get back to my rant/love for that film at a later date. Thank you to my loyal fans and the Goblin. I love you too.

Thanks to Matt for this week’s rant, albeit a little edited. ^_^; He’s still on some meds from a recent bar… uh… ‘encounter.’ Anywho, see you guys tomorrow, Goblinites! -GG

Hello again, goblinites. It is time for me to further my rants and hopefully your taste in all things related to movies and cinema. I am on some really wicked pain meds and I am suffering from a nasty hit to the skull, so forgive me if I wander a bit.
I would like us to look at No Country For Old Men. This tale takes place in Texas in the 1980’s. Josh Brolin gets his hands on some Mexican drug cartel money and is then hunted by an assassin that film has never touched on before. This killer played by Javier Bardem is an amazing performance. I have never felt cold, indifference from a killer ever. Jason, Freddy and even Michael Myers can all line up around the block to worship Anton Chigurh.
I am a huge fan of raving nut-job sociopaths, but Anton is their lord and master. The Coen Bros. have given us such films like Fargo and Raising Arizona. Both were complete with a lunatic antagonist. Where No Country is awesome is the fact that the worst/best of any homicidal manic that has ever been portrayed live or dead or non-existent is the character Anton.
What I love most about this guy, besides I salivate while watching him, is the fact he has morals and a code, albeit a strange method but it works and he reminds his victims of this regularly. How narcissistic can you get? Aside from The Joker, I miss you Heath Ledger, there is no villain in the world that I love more. Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn only top my list because of my lust for hot—- female badasses.
I rate Anton higher only because he is a realistic villain. This guy could and probably does exist. Instead of a movie review I want to dedicate this to the best villains ever. Javier please let me be your woman. This performance should be the highest rated of all. Hannibal Lector was good, sorry great, but Javier broke the barriers on disturbing.
I need to mention that Tommy Lee Jones and Woody Harrelson were also in this film but there really wasn’t a need to say anything it until now. This was a lackluster and trademarked performance by both of these two. They are stellar actors and deserve respect but this is not about them.
This is Matt and I am out. Thanks for another disturbing version of Sunday Matt-inee.

Here, Goblinites, we have the first installment of Sunday Matt-inee. My buddy Matt will rant and rave about whatever he finds interesting, just give him a sec to find his niche, you’ll be rewarded by his genius. Take it away, Matt!

Well here is my first attempt at a blog or whatever you call these god-forsaken things.

I am Matt, a nihilistic narcissist. I love film and music but I loathe them with the same strength. I am a student at MTSU and I have been instructed to in inform you about movies and films. I can get bitter but I can be fun, so hold on.
I could not pick a particular title to write about so I will briefly mention a few. First off The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is impossible to sit through. We could not get Rachel Weisz to sign on for this and now I know why. Maria Bello, who is awesome, but only when I see most of her flesh plays Rachel Weisz’s character “Evie”. I hate when they switch actor people and pretend that nothing is wrong. How the **** did this happen, oh wait the movie sucks, that’s how. Let’s move on as the caffeine courses through my brain.

Michelle Yeoh (who is the best actress ever) gets somehow suckered into to this film to play a generic Asian chick with a sword. Crouching Tiger wasn’t that great. WTF is next… Jet Li, well I won’t get into this, he did The One with Jason Statham (Death Race sucked by the way) which is an impossible to sit through piece of @#$% as well. Jet is not on my shit list but after suffering through this film you are on the maybe list. Jet Li has done some awesome movies but this is not one. This movie is a great piece of awesome people doing their best to make sure this film does not suck, in which it does. I wish I could go on but sitting through this review is making the whiskey bottle run dry.
Moving on, if you do decide to watch a movie this weekend I would try Vantage Point. This movie has a great idea but does fail to deliver on some points. The movie is only 28 minutes played back and forth, yet each time it is through some one else’s eyes, hence the name.

This was first done with Nick of Time with Johnny Depp (girls please try not to cum when I say that) and the ******* man Christopher Walken (okay I just came writing that) in which the movie was shot in real time. For those who are not nerds this means that every minute in the movie was a real minute in the theater. Brilliant idea but most people don’t have the sophistication to enjoy (or suffer) this type of art. Vantage Point is a political thriller that uses camera angles and witness accounts to try to tell a story from various vantage points, LOL. In short there is an assassination and Dennis (who the fuck cares) Quaid plays the determined officer to solve the mystery. Go to IMDB for more info and quit bugging me. If you like to think and enjoy Tom Clancy novels than Vantage Point is a must see. If you are trying to get laid than I would suggest porn or something with male frontal nudity.

My name is Matt and I like to bring random hate to the things I love most. I hope the Goblin makes me a regular but I understand if he does not. Thanks for your time and (hopefully) I’ll be back next week with another edition of….
Sunday Matt-inee

Next up on the block:
Thank You For Smoking
From Hell
Twin Warriors
And any suggestions?