G l i t c h y G o b l i n !

Vegieza here, and things are going to be a little different this time.  I still have not used or even accessed every feature on my Pokémon SoulSilver after 82 hours, so I feel that at least another week is necessary before I can bring you an accurate review.  Also, it would be too expensive and difficult to play and review 52 games a year (there’s not enough of me to go around; I’m only one man), so in this other type of review I’ll cover a game from the past that I feel should definitely be on your game shelf.  For even more quickness and streamlining these reviews from non-recent games will not get the 5 Pros and 5 Cons treatment.  I will simply tell you why I like it, what kind of gamer you are if you’ll probably like it, and a couple of other things.  Anyway, let’s get to the review!

Music rhythm games came to this world suddenly, and now, a few years later, the market is oversaturated with plastic instrument games.  I already know of at least 4 more games that are coming this year.  Even though this is looking like a tragic decline of the genre, a game still stands out to me as the best of the best among these types of games:  Rock Band 2.  Harmonix’s Rock Band 2 stands out for me because of a few things.

The presentation is really awesome. Rock Band 2 has a certain type of feeling for me when I’m even just scrolling through the menus.  From the background characters during the songs to the actual charts themselves, I know I’m playing Rock Band.

It’s easy for beginners. Guitar Hero’s beginning difficulty curve is off-putting to some.  This game eases you into it and makes you feel like a rock star from the get-go.

The DLC support is a beast. Every single week since the first Rock Band was released Harmonix has added downloadable songs to the archive for anyone to purchase and download.  The game comes with about 80 songs, and I personally have over 230 because I’ve downloaded so much.

It’s one of the best party games ever. The multiplayer is amazing, and most gamers now have at least a few of the instruments needed to play.  I’ve seen this game at many parties, and it’s usually the main focus in the room.  Also, the online is still going after a year and a half.

The only reason I can see to not getting this game is if you don’t like music rhythm games or the fact that Rock Band 3 is probably coming out at the end of this year.  It’s great on both 360 and the PS3, and even with slightly less support on the Wii it is still one of the best selling games on that system anyway.  Rock on!

It was a desperate struggle to bring you this review, but I’m back once more to tell you about No More Heroes 2:  Desperate Struggle.  Yeah, I know that was corny.  It’s time once again to climb up the UAA ranks and become the #1 ranked assassin.  Just as in the first game, it’s full of ridiculous violence and innuendo.  Unfortunately, however, I have more bad things to say than good.

PROS:

There are more bosses. If you loved the first crazy cast of assassins, then you’ll probably like these.  There’s at least 50% more than the first time around.

The mostly boring minigames have been exchanged for mostly awesome, retro, NES-style minigames. This applies to both the job minigames and the gym training minigames.  They’re fun to play at least more times than the minigames in No More Heroes.  They still aren’t endlessly fun, however.

Most of the charm’s still there. Travis is still quirky, and there’s perhaps more raunchiness than ever.

There’s more to do in the apartment. However barely, there are added games that you can play while not out on the town.  There’s a retro top-down shooter in the form of the anime “Bizarro Jerry,” the made-up show in the game.  It has multiple difficulties and characters to choose from.  Also, your cat, Jeane, has become fat and needs exercising.  You get to play minigames to slim it up.

You don’t have to drive around the city anymore. By choosing from a list, you pick where you want to go in the town.  The horribly detailed city and terribly controlled motorcycle (err, Vespa) don’t have to be dealt with.

CONS:

It feels… different. The first game mostly changed up what you did during missions.  There was a side-view bus, a spontaneous shooter minigame, a long hallway, an explosive beach, motorcycle battles, and a “Lost Woods”-type forest.  The boss fights are still varied, but as for the rest; it’s basically the same thing over and over.  The phone conversations on the Wii-mote are gone.  Some things you do during missions don’t even make sense.  This stems from there being no warning to what’s going on or who you’re going to be battling, apart from one or two bosses.  Also, with a control scheme that was already clunky enough, there should never be jumping.  Ever.  Especially not during a boss battle.  Especially not during a boss battle where, if he hits you, you lose some of your money.

Regardless of starting out at Rank #51, there aren’t 50 bosses. It would have probably been one of my favorite games ever, if that had been the case.  Anyways, there are some understandable skips in rank and some stupid ones.  One even contradicts itself.

I only used my starting sword. This disappointed me so much.  By the time I played every minigame and revenge mission, I only had like 200,000whatevers.  Revenge missions only give like 1000whatevers.  Whatever.  By the time I played more things over and over I didn’t even care to use the second sword.  The 300,000whatevers one.  The MkIII doesn’t count.

The ending is incomparable to the first’s. It’s so anti-climactic.  Plus, the cutscene after the final boss reveals a big time gap where we have no idea what happened.

The series is two games long. Oh, I hope they do what I want them to when they port over to the 360 or wherever.  If they combined the games together, it would be magical.  Start the game, rise through the ranks and get to #1, stuff goes down, final boss time, Travis disappears, have some sort of “5 years later” or something come up on the screen and then accidentally the whole second game, too.  There would be barely any updating to get the first caught up to the second.  Then, there would be 25 glorious bosses, with the NES minigames from the second one and the phone convos from the first.  Also, the 360 would make the graphics look halfway decent.

It would be so awesome if the above happened.  Anyway, if you loved the first one and are itchin’ for more killin’, then you might like this.  If the Wii is the only console you have, this is a must buy.  If you have a 360, then let’s cross our fingers.  Next time will be the laboriously studied review of Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver, in which I’ll probably have over 100 hours put in.  I’m at like 69 now, I think.

I’ve crawled back from the jungle to bring you this week’s review of Uncharted 2: Among Thieves.  The PS3 exclusive Uncharted series is a step-up in the third-person adventure style that Tomb Raider started.  The first game evolved the genre so much, ripe with great storytelling and phenomenal platforming control, that it’s unfortunate in some ways the sequel takes a step back.

PROS:

It’s still great storytelling. I believe the story is even better this time.  There’s still superb voice acting and great, lovable characters.  Nathan Drake is still hilarious.

It looks stunning. The game was released toward the end of last year, and it is only second best behind the recent God of War III in terms of graphics.  The detail in the environments is staggering to say the least.

The train sequence is epic. Stretching across a couple of chapters, the sequence on the train is probably one of my favorite levels among the plethora of games that I’ve played in my life.  The environment whizzing by and gradually changing just adds to it.

Finally, the final boss is finally fun, finally. It’s no telling how long it has been since I’ve been impressed with a final boss fight.  Most games are either cliché, boring, out-of-place, or non-existent in the department of having a final boss fight.  The fight feels frantic and fast-paced even though you’re basically doing the same thing over and over.

If you liked the first one, you’ll probably want to buy this one as well. It’s worth the money if you like the series.  With the added multiplayer, you’ll play this one more than the first.

CONS:

I died way too much. OK, I put the game on easy so that I could kick back and enjoy the story without the hassle of trying too hard.  Instead I still died constantly from grenades landing perfectly on my shoulder, enemies spawning behind me, snipers one-hit killing me, and the controls throwing me off ledges when I didn’t want to do any such thing.  It really put me in a bad mood for the next couple of days.

In addition to the above, some gunfights were way too long. It was on easy, so there shouldn’t have been more and more enemies constantly streaming in for 10-20 minutes in some places.  This really threw off the flow of the action.

The level design doesn’t flow as well. Both games have excellent level design, but unlike the first game this one had me constantly wondering where to go next.  Sometimes I would have to wait for a hint because I would search the place and still not be able to progress.  I loved how in the first game I would automatically survey my surroundings and say to myself, “Ah, I could climb up over there.”  Not in this one.

The beginning of the game has you stealthin’ about. Why must games include stealth missions?  Even though this one wasn’t too hard, it still wasn’t a very good way to start out a game.  I guess it did make me learn hand-to-hand combat, a feature I barely used in the first game.

The multiplayer isn’t anything to write home about. It’s basically a Gears of War rip-off with the match recording system of Halo 3.  Gears of War plays better and Halo 3 has more options of the recording.  Anyway, it sports basic deathmatch, capture the flag, and other types.  It ranks you up as you do more stuff, as the trend is with today’s multiplayer games.

Anyway, I was hoping for a better experience than what I received, especially when it was IGN’s Game of the Year 2009.  Assassin’s Creed II still wins in my book.  Next week I’ll have a No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle review.

I’m back again, and this time with great vengeance.  Epic vengeance.  Glorious vengeance.  Finally, the day has arrived for the epic conclusion in the God of War series, God of War III.  If you haven’t played this series before, read the God of War Collection review and buy that game and then this one.  If you think it’s bad, shut up and continue playing anyway.  If you finish this spectacular conclusion and still don’t like it, go to an exposed corner of a brick wall and shove your face into it over and over.  I couldn’t care less what you think.  For those of us who deserve to live:  Play this game.  Now.  It doesn’t matter what else you’re playing; it can wait.

PROS:

Teh GRAFICKS. The best implementation of computerized video technology so far in the known video game world is in this game.  There are only 4 loading screens:  the one before the opening cinematic, the one you get if you die and have to restart at the last checkpoint (duh, the game wasn’t expecting you to FAIL AT BEING EPIC), one in a hallway toward the end, and one if you load your game.  But you won’t have that one because I expect you to play it through without stopping or blinking.

You kill things. Lots of things.  And if you have been following along in the story then when you kill these people it will be the most satisfying thing ever.

Switch weapons on the fly! L1 + X equals go to the next weapon and continue the brutality you are currently dishing out.

It clears up things that I had a problem with, mythology-wise.  They explain a lot of things that I was previously confused about.  You know that thing you said, “Well, that’s stupid and anticlimactic” about in the first game?  Explained.  The plot also refers back to many things Kratos did or plot points that were created back in the first two games.  It’s a smorgasbord of God of War trivia.

Like the first two in the series, it has lots of documentaries. The main making-of video shows a lot of the 2 and a half process of making the game.  Stan Lee makes an appearance!

CONS:

Some players might not like the ending. If you happen to be a fan of bad storytelling, or hate good things in general, then you will probably not like the ending.  Go find a cliff and throw your mother off of it.  Then, after you watch her death, jump over as well and try to hit her corpse for extra points.  The ending is poetic and makes sense in every sense of the word.

Challenge of Olympus seems easier. The extra mode that has been featured in every game (Challenge of ____) is in this one as well.  I beat 6 of the 7 challenges without too much retrying in about 30 minutes.  There is a Combat Arena, but it is unlocked after you beat all 7.  I don’t know what’s in that (maybe more, harder challenges, lol), but the game’s only been out for 5 days.

On one boss I died a lot. It’s a massive series of checkpoints.  At almost every point I died because I wasn’t quick enough or didn’t know what to do.  It’s ok, because when you go through that section on a second playthrough you’ll get every one of them and it’s amazing.

There’s no spear-a-majig. That awesome lance weapon from the second game.  I wish it was in this one.  Oh, well.

My main only real problem is: At one point I glitched this game so hard that I hard to start back like 2 hours previous in the game.  If Goblin had been watching he would’ve been proud of me.  Always keep more than one save of your game, in case you hit the same glitch I did.  If after a boss’s death cutscene you are at a previous (like 10 minutes ago) area’s portal and then after you go through that portal it takes you to a different area, don’t save.  After the boss’s death you were supposed to be dropped into a hallway.  I can’t find anyone online who has experienced the same glitch.  Without giving any spoilers, it would be the cutscene that triggers after you let go of L2 and R2 at the same time, about 5 or 6 hours in.

Well, the gist is that you should play this on a 1080i HDTV with really loud sound, in the dark and in one sitting.  Then cry out of either happiness or because you’re currently mutilating your face against a brick wall.  In the end, there will only be chaos…