Hey all, here you go, a GREAT trio of songs about video games, called ‘Poke’mon, What Happened to You?’ ‘I Hate Mario Kart Wii’ and ‘Sonic Doesn’t Need a Story.’
Enjoy, ingrates. :)
He’s got the songs for sale on itunes, go forth and give him the credit he’s earned.
Just a video I thought you guys would enjoy, about the Tenth Doctor. Haven’t seen the Eleventh yet, but I hear mixed things. Leave me comment if you’ve got an opinion on our new Doctor.
It was a desperate struggle to bring you this review, but I’m back once more to tell you about No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle. Yeah, I know that was corny. It’s time once again to climb up the UAA ranks and become the #1 ranked assassin. Just as in the first game, it’s full of ridiculous violence and innuendo. Unfortunately, however, I have more bad things to say than good.
PROS:
There are more bosses. If you loved the first crazy cast of assassins, then you’ll probably like these. There’s at least 50% more than the first time around.
The mostly boring minigames have been exchanged for mostly awesome, retro, NES-style minigames. This applies to both the job minigames and the gym training minigames. They’re fun to play at least more times than the minigames in No More Heroes. They still aren’t endlessly fun, however.
Most of the charm’s still there. Travis is still quirky, and there’s perhaps more raunchiness than ever.
There’s more to do in the apartment. However barely, there are added games that you can play while not out on the town. There’s a retro top-down shooter in the form of the anime “Bizarro Jerry,” the made-up show in the game. It has multiple difficulties and characters to choose from. Also, your cat, Jeane, has become fat and needs exercising. You get to play minigames to slim it up.
You don’t have to drive around the city anymore. By choosing from a list, you pick where you want to go in the town. The horribly detailed city and terribly controlled motorcycle (err, Vespa) don’t have to be dealt with.
CONS:
It feels… different. The first game mostly changed up what you did during missions. There was a side-view bus, a spontaneous shooter minigame, a long hallway, an explosive beach, motorcycle battles, and a “Lost Woods”-type forest. The boss fights are still varied, but as for the rest; it’s basically the same thing over and over. The phone conversations on the Wii-mote are gone. Some things you do during missions don’t even make sense. This stems from there being no warning to what’s going on or who you’re going to be battling, apart from one or two bosses. Also, with a control scheme that was already clunky enough, there should never be jumping. Ever. Especially not during a boss battle. Especially not during a boss battle where, if he hits you, you lose some of your money.
Regardless of starting out at Rank #51, there aren’t 50 bosses. It would have probably been one of my favorite games ever, if that had been the case. Anyways, there are some understandable skips in rank and some stupid ones. One even contradicts itself.
I only used my starting sword. This disappointed me so much. By the time I played every minigame and revenge mission, I only had like 200,000whatevers. Revenge missions only give like 1000whatevers. Whatever. By the time I played more things over and over I didn’t even care to use the second sword. The 300,000whatevers one. The MkIII doesn’t count.
The ending is incomparable to the first’s. It’s so anti-climactic. Plus, the cutscene after the final boss reveals a big time gap where we have no idea what happened.
The series is two games long. Oh, I hope they do what I want them to when they port over to the 360 or wherever. If they combined the games together, it would be magical. Start the game, rise through the ranks and get to #1, stuff goes down, final boss time, Travis disappears, have some sort of “5 years later” or something come up on the screen and then accidentally the whole second game, too. There would be barely any updating to get the first caught up to the second. Then, there would be 25 glorious bosses, with the NES minigames from the second one and the phone convos from the first. Also, the 360 would make the graphics look halfway decent.
It would be so awesome if the above happened. Anyway, if you loved the first one and are itchin’ for more killin’, then you might like this. If the Wii is the only console you have, this is a must buy. If you have a 360, then let’s cross our fingers. Next time will be the laboriously studied review of Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver, in which I’ll probably have over 100 hours put in. I’m at like 69 now, I think.
Woohoo, did I love No More Heroes! That game was amazing, a wonderful flow of bloody combat and mundane activity, with a clever storyline and engaging characters! I can’t WAIT for the second one, yay, I got it for my birthday!
I would rather have been beaten with a stick until I peed myself and wept bitter, bitter tears. So long as Desperate Struggle had been a great game, a worthy successor to the first game, I would have been happy, even with broken ribs and ruptured organs.
In my opinion, Desperate Struggle did a few things right and overall just made me weep for the game I wanted, the game I’ll never have.
I’ll gladly elaborate more after Vegieza’s review of the game next week.
Until then, let’s see the glitches, shall we?
I can’t seem to find many via youtube, but mine were very distinct. In the game, you purchase clothing, often and ridiculous prices. They look cool and you can dress Travis however you want. Downsides?
Well, every so often, clothes will unbuy themselves. Meaning you either re-purchase them or run home and show the game you have the item and then it un-un-buys itself, sometimes. Sometimes, it’s another $120,000 down the drain.
Talk about frustrating.
Nextly, I liked to Dress Travis differently for each fight. Make him actually discard the dirty clothes for new, less bloody ones. Yknow, like a real assassin. Unfortunately, Travis would often just… switch. I’d be heading for a boos fight, save, and poof! Now he’s in that crappy blue jacket with techno shades and no sense of matching or balance. I know, big deal, right? Still very frustrating to me to watch the cutscenes with a crappily dressed Travis after i had wasted so much time buying clothes and picking out his outfit.
Blah. The game was still a failure and I’m even considering trading it in, just so I don’t have to be reminded of what had the potential to be my favorite game on the Wii ever. Until my tissues and whiskey are gone. -GG
I’ve crawled back from the jungle to bring you this week’s review of Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. The PS3 exclusive Uncharted series is a step-up in the third-person adventure style that Tomb Raider started. The first game evolved the genre so much, ripe with great storytelling and phenomenal platforming control, that it’s unfortunate in some ways the sequel takes a step back.
PROS:
It’s still great storytelling. I believe the story is even better this time. There’s still superb voice acting and great, lovable characters. Nathan Drake is still hilarious.
It looks stunning. The game was released toward the end of last year, and it is only second best behind the recent God of War III in terms of graphics. The detail in the environments is staggering to say the least.
The train sequence is epic. Stretching across a couple of chapters, the sequence on the train is probably one of my favorite levels among the plethora of games that I’ve played in my life. The environment whizzing by and gradually changing just adds to it.
Finally, the final boss is finally fun, finally. It’s no telling how long it has been since I’ve been impressed with a final boss fight. Most games are either cliché, boring, out-of-place, or non-existent in the department of having a final boss fight. The fight feels frantic and fast-paced even though you’re basically doing the same thing over and over.
If you liked the first one, you’ll probably want to buy this one as well. It’s worth the money if you like the series. With the added multiplayer, you’ll play this one more than the first.
CONS:
I died way too much. OK, I put the game on easy so that I could kick back and enjoy the story without the hassle of trying too hard. Instead I still died constantly from grenades landing perfectly on my shoulder, enemies spawning behind me, snipers one-hit killing me, and the controls throwing me off ledges when I didn’t want to do any such thing. It really put me in a bad mood for the next couple of days.
In addition to the above, some gunfights were way too long. It was on easy, so there shouldn’t have been more and more enemies constantly streaming in for 10-20 minutes in some places. This really threw off the flow of the action.
The level design doesn’t flow as well. Both games have excellent level design, but unlike the first game this one had me constantly wondering where to go next. Sometimes I would have to wait for a hint because I would search the place and still not be able to progress. I loved how in the first game I would automatically survey my surroundings and say to myself, “Ah, I could climb up over there.” Not in this one.
The beginning of the game has you stealthin’ about. Why must games include stealth missions? Even though this one wasn’t too hard, it still wasn’t a very good way to start out a game. I guess it did make me learn hand-to-hand combat, a feature I barely used in the first game.
The multiplayer isn’t anything to write home about. It’s basically a Gears of War rip-off with the match recording system of Halo 3. Gears of War plays better and Halo 3 has more options of the recording. Anyway, it sports basic deathmatch, capture the flag, and other types. It ranks you up as you do more stuff, as the trend is with today’s multiplayer games.
Anyway, I was hoping for a better experience than what I received, especially when it was IGN’s Game of the Year 2009. Assassin’s Creed II still wins in my book. Next week I’ll have a No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle review.
Alright, Goblinites, we all know that Glee is starting again on April 13th, unless you’re a total loser and if that’s the case, then go watch season 1. You’re not a person in my eyes until you’ve watched the first season and loved it. Do it. DO. IT. NOW.
That being said, it’s been a LONG wait. Apparently, for $15, you can see the new episode a week early in a bunch of large cities.
I saw this as a fan of theirs on facebook. If you’re a hardcore Gleek (though I really hate that term) go to a big city and show the show of the year some dang love!
I’m back again, and this time with great vengeance. Epic vengeance. Glorious vengeance. Finally, the day has arrived for the epic conclusion in the God of War series, God of War III. If you haven’t played this series before, read the God of War Collection review and buy that game and then this one. If you think it’s bad, shut up and continue playing anyway. If you finish this spectacular conclusion and still don’t like it, go to an exposed corner of a brick wall and shove your face into it over and over. I couldn’t care less what you think. For those of us who deserve to live: Play this game. Now. It doesn’t matter what else you’re playing; it can wait.
PROS:
Teh GRAFICKS. The best implementation of computerized video technology so far in the known video game world is in this game. There are only 4 loading screens: the one before the opening cinematic, the one you get if you die and have to restart at the last checkpoint (duh, the game wasn’t expecting you to FAIL AT BEING EPIC), one in a hallway toward the end, and one if you load your game. But you won’t have that one because I expect you to play it through without stopping or blinking.
You kill things. Lots of things. And if you have been following along in the story then when you kill these people it will be the most satisfying thing ever.
Switch weapons on the fly! L1 + X equals go to the next weapon and continue the brutality you are currently dishing out.
It clears up things that I had a problem with, mythology-wise. They explain a lot of things that I was previously confused about. You know that thing you said, “Well, that’s stupid and anticlimactic” about in the first game? Explained. The plot also refers back to many things Kratos did or plot points that were created back in the first two games. It’s a smorgasbord of God of War trivia.
Like the first two in the series, it has lots of documentaries. The main making-of video shows a lot of the 2 and a half process of making the game. Stan Lee makes an appearance!
CONS:
Some players might not like the ending. If you happen to be a fan of bad storytelling, or hate good things in general, then you will probably not like the ending. Go find a cliff and throw your mother off of it. Then, after you watch her death, jump over as well and try to hit her corpse for extra points. The ending is poetic and makes sense in every sense of the word.
Challenge of Olympus seems easier. The extra mode that has been featured in every game (Challenge of ____) is in this one as well. I beat 6 of the 7 challenges without too much retrying in about 30 minutes. There is a Combat Arena, but it is unlocked after you beat all 7. I don’t know what’s in that (maybe more, harder challenges, lol), but the game’s only been out for 5 days.
On one boss I died a lot. It’s a massive series of checkpoints. At almost every point I died because I wasn’t quick enough or didn’t know what to do. It’s ok, because when you go through that section on a second playthrough you’ll get every one of them and it’s amazing.
There’s no spear-a-majig. That awesome lance weapon from the second game. I wish it was in this one. Oh, well.
My main only real problem is: At one point I glitched this game so hard that I hard to start back like 2 hours previous in the game. If Goblin had been watching he would’ve been proud of me. Always keep more than one save of your game, in case you hit the same glitch I did. If after a boss’s death cutscene you are at a previous (like 10 minutes ago) area’s portal and then after you go through that portal it takes you to a different area, don’t save. After the boss’s death you were supposed to be dropped into a hallway. I can’t find anyone online who has experienced the same glitch. Without giving any spoilers, it would be the cutscene that triggers after you let go of L2 and R2 at the same time, about 5 or 6 hours in.
Well, the gist is that you should play this on a 1080i HDTV with really loud sound, in the dark and in one sitting. Then cry out of either happiness or because you’re currently mutilating your face against a brick wall. In the end, there will only be chaos…
Welcome, Goblinites, to Flash Game Blitzkrieg. Whenever I play a Flash Game worth playing, I’m gunna post it, along with the review I submitted to the game’s creator, if I submitted one, or a custom written one. Granted, these’ll probably contain spoilers, so expect them in Goblin Blood Green.
ABOUT THE GAME: It’s a text based adventure, like a choose your own adventure book or a visual novel, centered around retrieving medicine for your wife, who has contracted cholera. Well thought out, inventive, with just a few problems. Enjoy.
Here’s the game, first off, and it’s pretty fantastic. It’s on Newgrounds, but trust me, it’s worth the playthrough.
Now for my review, it’s a little long, but even if you DON’T read my review, play Dead Frontier: Outbreak 2. It’s a blast and a half. No need to play the previous incarnations, which, in my opinion, were a bland snooze fest.
Okay, first off…
I got the antibiotics and survived the day, rank A in compassion and Tactics, my first time through.
But I died 5 times, each to poor wording and communication problems. Also, I had to let a girl die for no reason.
Death 1: I was going to activate the generator, and chose ‘open the curtains,’ assuming he knew relatively where the curtains were,not that it was an all-encompassing darkness. Word it like this next time: ‘Search for curtains to open.’
Death 2: I decided to fight the huge hoard of infected instead of fleeing to the second pharmacy. I ran out of ammo and ended up relying on a… pipe?! My crowbar just magicked itself away, apparently. With a crowbar, I could have survived or at LEAST there should have been an option to turn and run once the others did instead of fighting until I die.
Death 3: After that, I fled the encounter instead of fighting. Instead of closing the shutters at the pharmacy, I chose to hop behind the counter, turning to fire with all that ammo I saved from not fighting. Instead, hiding meant I hide there and piss myself until I get eaten. WHAT?! Why didn’t I still SHOOT behind the counter? VERY Frustrating. (Also, if you care, I didn’t lock the shutters originally because those require keys, which I THOUGHT I didn’t have.)
After finishing that encounter, you run into the ‘employees only’ area. There was a girl being attacked. I was like ‘kay lolz, I sav u.’ But WHOOPS, somehow, all that ammo I should have saved from NOT fighting the hoard and NOT fighting the zombies outside the closed shutters isn’t there, because SOMEHOW, I’m out of ammo, even though I had multiple options to shoot before that I DIDN’T take.
Death 4: Pissed, I decided to wrestle it off. I got bitten on the arm and died. Except for one thing: I was wearing BIKER LEATHERS WITH GLOVES! Those things fasten together most of the time and the opening (assuming there IS one) would take thought and effort to exploit! INFURIATING. Whatever though, fine. Next time through, I stole her gun and ammo. So… why couldn’t I use her gun to save her??? Bah.
Death 5: After that, in the car, I shunted the accident vehicles out of the way and came across a mob of undead. Because no number was stated, I assumed it was about 10-15. I rammed them, and when the car failed, me and my companions from the mall didn’t shoot, we just died without fighting… at all. Really? REALLY really?! C’mon man….
Anyway. Despite all that, it had a good setting, a realistic objective (though, had they boiled their water, they’d have been fine, but… okay.) with a deep character, good art, good writing (for the most part) as well as good voice acting and sound effects. Just next time, make sure you constantly assess the tools the characters will have at all times, so these things stop happening. It’ll make the next one the best game ever.
Okay ya’ll, been a BUSY week for me, my bad. Here’s a slightly delayed Hayley, with Fangirl on the Loose.
If you love her rants like I do, frequent her website! CLICK HERE!
You know when I said that Boba playing Legend of Zelda music on an accordion would be the biggest nerdgasm you would ever have? Yea, well, looks like I was wrong. JimmyJane, a company that creates sex toys, has created a clit vibe called the Form 2 that looks curiously like the Millennium Falcon. They claim that this wasn’t actually their intention, but they’re running with it and have even created a comparison chart of the two:
I have a very bad feeling about this. We nerds are an addictive people. We’re complete-ists who will spend hundreds of dollars on toys and collectibles just to say that we have more than somebody else. Shit, some of us will even buy the same action figure over and over again just because the packaging has changed. Who’s to say that we nerds won’t go overboard when it comes to infusing our sex lives with nerdery? I’m afraid it could spiral out of control like with the Twilighters. They started out as harmless tweens with a vampire fetish, and then BOOM! They’ve got the Vamp dildos, which snowballed into the manllows, and who knows what kind of weird shit will be out by the time the Breaking Dawn movie is released. Are vampire teeth nipple clamps next?
For us, it could start with the Form 2/ Falcon vibe. Then pretty soon, we’re sticking a vacuum cleaner hose through the mouth hole of our Greedo Halloween masks so we can pretend we’re getting ours necks suckled (or other areas) by a dirty alien mercenary while we wedge Hasbro lightsabers up our asses, clamp our stormtrooper and ewok Pez dispensers onto our nipples, and finally choke ourselves with a video game controller chord while we snort coke off a cardboard standee.
I’m just saying that it can only get weirder from here. So… are you gonna buy one?
For the first time, this week’s review is of more than one game! God of War Collection is Sony’s way of getting everyone hyped for today’s (March 16, 2010) release of God of War III. I’ll have that review completed next week. God of War Collection is a port of the first two games of the series, originally only on the PS2. Now they have been re-mastered in High Definition to base all three games on one system.
PROS:
Hopefully this is a trend. Having the first two games on a current system is something that hopefully Sony and other companies start doing more often. I fully expect Sony to reveal at E3 2010 that a Team ICO Collection of ICO and Shadow of the Colossus will be released shortly before the third game, The Last Guardian. The convenience of not having to dust off your PS2 is awesome, and that’s all most people have, as most PS3s do not have backwards compatibility.
It has some visual upgrades. It wasn’t recoded to be in true HD, but the scaling does improve both games quite a bit, more so in the second one than the first. The frame-rate is now at a perfect 60fps (frames per second), and there is none of the screen tearing that was pretty noticeable in both games on the PS2. The frame-rate actually does make a noticeable difference in the fluidity of the combat.
It’s worth the money. If you love the God of War series, then to have both 1 and 2 re-mastered in HD on a current platform is definitely worth the budget price of $40. Both games are about 10 hours the first times through, and there are hours of documentary videos for both games.
There are two sets of trophies, a set for each game. I’m not a trophy whore (achievements ftw), but most of them on both are easy to collect. This is double the fun for a gamer, especially if the player hasn’t played either game before.
If you are new to these and happen to love them, then you’ll get a lot of re-playability out of these games. I’ve personally played God of War 6 times and God of War II 4 times now, with a count added to each because of Collection. It’s only just now starting to get old to me.
CONS:
No Chains of Olympus. If would’ve taken a lot of work to put the PSP’s God of War: Chains of Olympus onto the PS3, but it would’ve been the cherry on the God of War Collection sundae.
No extra content. There are a lot of documentary videos, but they’re what came with the games originally.
Cutscenes and documentaries are not in HD. In-game cutscenes look pretty muddy, and the documentaries are less than DVD quality or less. The Collection is meant to be played on a large HDTV, and these videos don’t stand the test of time.
And speaking of standing the test of time: even with its slight upgrade to HD, the first game doesn’t look near as good as it did when you first played it on the PS2. Or if you’re playing it for the first time, it’ll look pretty old.
Widescreen stretches the HUD. For those that know me, one of my worst pet peeves is incorrect aspect ratios. It bothers me to no end. The sides of the gameplay’s view are just extended to show more on the screen at once, but the HUD (heads-up display) is instead stretched wider. All circular things are now ovals, and so on. It personally gets to me.
There you have it. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll get this and God of War III, play them all through in one continuous sitting, and then die happy while shouting, “Ares!”
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