Midweek Mashup: Champion of the Week
2 10 2009Yup, I’m late, wanna fight about it? Rough week. Start of the fall schedule always makes me a little disoriented, and now the first exams are coming and so forth, so I’m stumbling a bit. I’ll get my footing, so just bear with me, Goblinites.
Now, onto the main event…
The museum was silent, save the low hum of the air conditioning unit and the occasional dull footsteps of the night guard. Originally, there had been three night guards, But two feline-themed jewel hunters had convinced them to take a little mid-shift nap, tied up in a corner.
She smiled as she pulled the trigger, sending a new zip-line sailing across the room, dangerously close to the security lasers. Danger wasn’t new to her, and as Black Cat wrapped her legs around the wire and began to shimmy towards her newest toy, she smiled like a kitty having its ears rubbed just the right way.
However, in the rafters of the second floor, just under the alarm-rigged, heavy-duty glass roof sat a glowering feline, gently petting her informant, a fat calico cat named Joyce. Catwoman was not surprised at a second burglar, no on the contrary, she had planned for one. What she hadn’t planned for was some knock-off hussy who passed more for a skunk than a cat. She growled discontentedly and prepared to pounce, releasing Joyce, who scampered away from the soon-to-be battle.
Falicia Hardy had made it to the glass, and she pulled from her belt a small PDA style device whch stuck to the glass. “Thank God for my Deus Ex Machina Brand Radio Wave Alarm Diffuser,” said Black Cat appreciatively, having purchased it for the low, low price of $39.99 from a local Deus Ex Machina Brand discount emporium. Shop there today!
With that, she made quick work of the case, but as she reached for the Cat’s Eye Jewel, her hand was stuck by the sharp sting of a whip. Felicia dropped from her chord to the floor, landing soundlessly while still avoiding the trip lasers, and glowered up at her opponent. She was surprised to see a skankier cat-themed burglar who was obviously past her prime.
Felicia smirked. “Well well, who have we here? Here to take my prize, Grandma?” said Black Cat in a sharp but velvety tone.
Catwoman remained perched on the Bastet statue near the glass display case, and picked her paw in a bored manner. “Mind your tongue, kitten… simply give me what’s mine and I won’t have to stain that ugly white hair red. That would just get messy, you know. Now leave me to my gem. We both know I deserve it more, and besides all that, I’ve got the better cat theme, you little tramp.”
Hardy glowered and readied her grappling hooks to take to the ceiling. No one insulted the title of Black Cat. “I’m more catlike than you know, hag.” With that, she launched one of the devices to a second floor railing which propelled her towards the monochromatic feline thief. Catwoman thought the move ‘cute’ at best, and predictable, and made to move out of the way, but found her boot stuck beneath Bastet’s headpiece and instead took Felicia’s feet to her midsection. Luckily, she grabbed onto Black Cat as she attacked, propelling them both away from the lasers and up to the second floor’s balconies.
Black Cat tried to throw her off, but soon realized that Catwoman had another of her gadgets: the sharp claws meant for climbing that doubled as knives in a pinch. Catwoman dug her claws in with one hand, raking her claws across Felicia’s back and hoping to the ledge before the Cat could recover. Black Cat was close behind.
The two began circling one another, attacking occasionally with sweeping kicks and claw swipes, but then, finally, Catwoman made her move. She lunged, intending to grab Hardy by the shirt and end this before the Guards woke up and got suspicious. Black Cat had been waiting for this, and grabbed her by the arm, spinning her around and grappling her. Fighting with Spider-Man had made her resourceful like this, knowing how to read punches. With him, you were lucky if you got to take a second swing.
Catwoman knew this move all too well, having seen it frequently while fighting the Bat. Unfortunately, it seemed Black Cat was no ordinary girl, and Catwoman found her grip more than a little difficult to escape. Catwoman let out a light yowl, trying to escape.
Felica chuckled. “Poor kitty… did our play time hurt you? Guess you’re just too old to play cat and mouse… maybe you should head home and get some rest, Granny.” She said, tying her hands together.
Catwoman chuckled. “I wasn’t in pain, you idiot… I was calling for help.” She said, looking to the rafters. Black Cat followed her gaze and was surprised to notice a dozen bright eyes peering at her from the darkness. They seemed less than happy, and hissed menacingly as some prepared to pounce.
Things had become too ‘interesting’ for Felicia Hardy, who had dealt with as much as she cared to. She turned towards the railing and hopped over, nimbly landing between lasers yet again, and peered into the case. The empty case. Where was the jewel?!
Catwoman laughed as her feline friends chewed through her bonds. She used her whip to clamber to the rafters and stroked Joyce lovingly as the cat relinquished the Cat’s Eye Jewel. “Looking for this, love? Afraid you won’t be seeing it again, sweety. I guess we know who really is the best now, eh kitten? Ciao.”
Felicia swung to the rafters angrily, but then found that not one set of ductwork was open, but all of them, and even with her enhanced hearing, she couldn’t tell which duct Catwoman was using to flee, as the others were full of escaping cats.
The room was empty, but Hardy smiled and sighed, instead deciding to go with whatever else she could find. “You win some, you lose some. It’s the nature of the game.” Once her bag was filled, she too swung off into the night. It was hours before even the guards noticed there had been a disturbance.
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