Alright, this week, we’re gunna make people choose serious sides… let there be Snake Versus Batman!

Ok, so here’s the stipulations.

Batman is the one from Arkham Asylum. Solid Snake has his gear from Smash Bros. Brawl. No batjet, no final smash helicopter.

The Deus Ex Machina brand corporate arctic warehouse. Surrounded by guards, both competitors find themselves on the shore, needing one thing: a Deus Ex Machina brand Entry Keycard. Now, the guards have them, and they only need one. However, they cannot move to the other side of the complex to simply follow their competitor into the complex.

In short, they both need to get a key and gain entrance to the complex, where Liquid Joker and Harley Ocelot have taken Big Gordon hostage.

Anyway, once inside, a video will instruct them that another person is coming, and that Big Gordon will be shot if one of them isn’t unconscious in one hour.

So, the person you think would break in fastest gets prep time. How long? Until the other breaks in as well.

Then, given the arsenals I’ve listed, who will win? It’s up to you!

Most creative reasoning in the comments gets 2 votes instead of one!!!

Woot. Here’s a snazzy remix to keep you rocking. A remix of what you say? Why, the slapchop infomercial.

Kudos to DJ Steve Porter. -GG

Now, for those of you who’ve missed it, Paranormal Activity is sweeping the nation.

Now, I know this movie has the crappiest movie poster of all time, but read on, all will be explained.

Now, most people will tell you this movie is one of the scariest films of all time. I am not one to disagree, but it only hits about 50% of the audience.

Why? The answer is simple.

One out of four (estimated) people hate the shaky handi-cam technique of movies like Blair Witch Project and the more successful Cloverfield.

Another one of the ten have very little imagination or empathy, and therefore won’t be able to connect with the couple’s situation and fear as they fear.

The last few have actually been scared worse in real life, will over analyze the special effects and only like popcorn flicks, are ‘actual paranormal investigators’ who claim to have seen worse, or people who refuse to have a good time so they can bash it on the internet later.

However, if you aren’t one of those people, and you don’t like this movie, I will literally lick my commode. You have to give actual reasons and CONVINCE me you aren’t trolling, but hey, no one is reading this anyway.

However, this movie earned its rating in one more way: the cost. I think there’s something to be said for scaring me on a small budget. The 2007 Halloween movie, directed by Rob Zombie, cost $20,000,000. Most people said it wasn’t even close to being scary.

Cloverfield cost more, at $25,000,000, and was a FAR better movie, IMO.

Blair Witch cost $60,000 and has turned into a huge joke.

How much did Paranormal Activity cost? $11,000.

Yup, you could have made this movie 5 times for the cost of Blair Witch, or TWO THOUSAND TIMES for the cost of Cloverfield, and in my opinion, it was simply amazing.

To top it off, it was filmed in a single week.

As a movie, on its own, Glitchy Goblin gives Paranormal Activity an 8 out of 10.

As an impressive use of minimal funding, Glitchy Goblin gives it a 10 out of 10.

Hello again, goblinites. It is time for me to further my rants and hopefully your taste in all things related to movies and cinema. I am on some really wicked pain meds and I am suffering from a nasty hit to the skull, so forgive me if I wander a bit.
I would like us to look at No Country For Old Men. This tale takes place in Texas in the 1980’s. Josh Brolin gets his hands on some Mexican drug cartel money and is then hunted by an assassin that film has never touched on before. This killer played by Javier Bardem is an amazing performance. I have never felt cold, indifference from a killer ever. Jason, Freddy and even Michael Myers can all line up around the block to worship Anton Chigurh.
I am a huge fan of raving nut-job sociopaths, but Anton is their lord and master. The Coen Bros. have given us such films like Fargo and Raising Arizona. Both were complete with a lunatic antagonist. Where No Country is awesome is the fact that the worst/best of any homicidal manic that has ever been portrayed live or dead or non-existent is the character Anton.
What I love most about this guy, besides I salivate while watching him, is the fact he has morals and a code, albeit a strange method but it works and he reminds his victims of this regularly. How narcissistic can you get? Aside from The Joker, I miss you Heath Ledger, there is no villain in the world that I love more. Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn only top my list because of my lust for hot—- female badasses.
I rate Anton higher only because he is a realistic villain. This guy could and probably does exist. Instead of a movie review I want to dedicate this to the best villains ever. Javier please let me be your woman. This performance should be the highest rated of all. Hannibal Lector was good, sorry great, but Javier broke the barriers on disturbing.
I need to mention that Tommy Lee Jones and Woody Harrelson were also in this film but there really wasn’t a need to say anything it until now. This was a lackluster and trademarked performance by both of these two. They are stellar actors and deserve respect but this is not about them.
This is Matt and I am out. Thanks for another disturbing version of Sunday Matt-inee.

Now, lately I’ve been playing a lot of nice games, including one out of the blue fun-fest called The Witcher.

The game is a ton of fun, with a deep world, a politically heavy storyline, and choices that actually MATTER, unlike Fable, IMO.

The combat is rich, albeit terribly annoying every now and again, and the characters are wonderfully interesting. Play it.

That being said, there are a TON of glitches. When you first get to the main town, you’re told to go to an investigator. Instead, I did EVERYTHING ELSE, and actually finished quests I didn’t even have yet, even found the investigator’s dead body before he died, reported it to him, he left, ACTUALLY died, came back as an impostor, and finished ALL my quests.

There’s been enemies I can’t target, enemies who died ten seconds after I hit them, the game crashed a few dozen times, and then, the wraith.

Now, the wraith in town is friendly until you attack him, but he IS a monster you’re supposed to kill. However, if you attack him and guards are near you, they think you’re attacking a CITIZEN, and kill you to protect the demonic ghost. Nice.

Here’s a few more glitches, for your amusement. Thanks to xclavex, kooper2k, and rjskt59 for their videos.

Ok, be back later for sunday and today. See ya. -GG

Recently, I’ve had trouble getting up the energy to post. As you might remember, I made a post forever ago about a model and my disagreeing with her recent media oriented decisions. Well, a commenter has taken to claiming to be her and responding to my blog, and the sheer anger I’ve felt thanks to the caps-lock filled comments made me turn off my computer without posting.

That being said, my anger is managed, and today I’m playing catch up. Brace yourself.

I’ve been rocking the classic anime Slayers recently, and I must say, it is phenomenal, if you’re an anime fan. So, for you young bucks, here’s a few reasons you too should watch Slayers.

5. Style

The entire series is classic 90s goodness, with realistically true-to-real-people characters. Even though the characters SHOULD feel stereotypical, with a swordsman and sorceress fighting an evil wizard, it manages to feel VERY unique and unforgettable.

4. World

With well defined towns, situations, powers, and legends, Slayers’ world really pops. Even the enemies hear about the heroes at a realistic and understandable pace.

3. Powers

Even though the main character’s magical spells and her guard’s magic sword, the lore and unique way they use these powers, not to mention the dire consequences of screwing up, and spectacular.

2. Plot

Now, again, the plot feels dated, but in a CLASSIC way. It’s been out of the loop for so long, it’s fresh and spicy again, making now the perfect time to enjoy a classic thing.

1. Characters

Lina and Goury are wonderful, with tons of defects and strengths, pros and cons, ups and downs. They have magnificent chemistry, misunderstandings, and they split ways more than once for very reasonable causes. Purely wonderful.

Whoo, writing that last one really tapped me. Here’s an awesome inspirational picture.

Stay tuned, I’m catching up soon. -GG

The fans were deafening, the hum of speakers charged the air around the opposing stages… it was about to begin… the most metal concert in the history of the world, sponsored by Deus Ex Machina brand  Goblin Juice (It’s Goblin-riffic).

Dethklok strolled out toward the fans, faces white, and without even acknowledging the crowd, began to shred the minds of their enamored fans. The violent, brilliant music ripped the air apart, and their opponents were nowhere to be seen. The DMC fans called to their masters, yelling “Krauser-sama! Camus! Jagi-sama! Where are you?!”

They watched from the shadows.

Soichi Negishi was sweating bullets, the legendary guitar in his hands calling for blood. “No way… there’s to many people… and it’s Dethklok! The biggest band in the world!” He swallowed hard and turned to flee, and found himself face to face with his manager. One glare and a shove was all it took, and the concert battle began.

Dethklok continued to tear the stadium apart, their fans becoming even more worked up. One of the Dethklok supporters made just one comment, just an off-hand remark about how Krauser was too afraid to face Nathan Explosion…

The fight erupted.

Fans bashed in faces, fists met bone and blood, and bodies began falling. However, without the music to fire them up, the DMC fans were quickly being pushed back.

It was then that a rumble shook the DMC stage. A coffin burst from the floorboards of the right side of the stage, and out walked Jagi, ready to play. Another coffin burst through the stage in the middle of the back, and out came Camus, screaming and drumming at air, ready to tear it all apart.

The third… didn’t go as planned. The third coffin sprung through the stage… and kept going afterwards. It sailed through the air, and came crashing down in the middle of the brawling fans. The crowd retreated, and even Dethklok sopped between songs to observe.

Out from the coffin, covered in the blood of Dethklok fans as well as his own, burt Krauser, who screamed at the top of his lungs, “I AM THE DEMON KING!!!” 

Fans brought him a chord, plugged him in in the middle of the crowd, and the music resumed, as did the fight. This time, however, it wasn’t the same. The Detroit Metal City fans surged with fresh energy and the taste of blood, and raved the Dethklok fans, pushing towards the stage.

The manager made his move, adjusting his glasses. “Not yet, young band. My boys need this concert… and that guitar.” With that, he pressed a button on his phone, signaling the release of the captured beast caged beneath the pit. However, he wasn’t the only manager who had decided to strike, as a beer bottle crashed over Dethklok’s Manager’s head. There stood the manager of DMC.

The two stared each other down, wordless, sharing a deep understanding of the other’s tactics… and began to make out like crazy. Yep. That’s the power of Dethklok AND DMC.

However, even as the two of them lost interest in the world, the chimera rose from the depths, tearing through DMC fans and Dethklok fans alike. 

This did not phase Dethklok.

DMC stared at the forty foot tall half-lion, half-goat amalgamation with a king Cobra’s head for a tail, and Negishi, for a brief moment, feared the creature. Then he remembered who he really was. Johannes Krauser II.

The beast roared mightily at Krauser, lunging for a meal, and Krauser’s guitar cried out in madness as he swung, clubbing the beast across the nose. The chimera stumbled towards the DMC stage, turning back on Krauser as the Cobra tail struck as Jagi. Jagi sidestepped, and whistled to Camus. He looked up, and saw the snake… a bigger version of the ones he already had. It would be his. 

In seconds, Camus had the Cobra by the fangs, head-butting it into submission as Jagi scaled the beast, searing it with his flaming breath. It howled in pain and the two front heads lunged again for Krauser, and thanks to a massive effort by tons of die-hard fans, was slowed, forced to look him in the eyes as the fans held the flaming beast back. Krauser looked into its eyes and then reared back, spitting into one of the lion’s eyes. It howled, looking at its meal… no, at Krauser… its new master, and knelt. Krauser climbed atop his new steed, still ablaze, and Dethklok and its fans could no longer focus. 

As the flaming chimera destroyed all in sight, its masters riding on its back, Detklok boarded their private Blade Copters, leaving behind the deed to Mordhaus. 

Long into the night, after all the fans had been massacred, Krauser yelled, Camus drummed, Jagi laughed, and two managers still had yet to realize anything had happened.

Congratulations, Detrioit Metal City, our Champion of the Week!

Also, congratulations to GreenNinjaN for winning a THIRD vote for his creativity and style! Go to DMC! -GG

Alright, since I’m making this post at around Midnight, It’s technically my Girlfriend’s birthday. I’m gunna try and get a day ahead, so that today’s post is when you VIEW it, not when I POST it, but until then…

Happy Birthday, my Love!

I wish your cake looked like this…

and hope our wedding cake doesn’t turn out like this…

But that’s still a little ways off, unfortunately. Until then, I hope Funfetti and a couple of gifts will make you smile. I love you, baby. Happy birthday.

And thusly, I dedicate this, Glitchy Goblin’s 100th post, to my one true love.

See you tomorrow, Goblinites. -GG

If you haven’t already voted, the midweek mashup is almost over. Hurry up and tell me who wins and why! If you don’t KNOW the bands, here’s a video of their rediculous antics.

Thanks to Aki19860908 and FNscarH for the videos.